The other night, I went to see Angel Salazar’s comedy act for the third time (in eight years). He’s always hilarious, and I just thought I’d give him a shout-out. For those of you who can’t place the name, Ángel is best-known for his roles in Scarface and Carlito’s Way.
Go to Angel Salazar’s MySpace Page and sheck it out to find out when Angel is performing near you.
Boston Market’s pricing has always puzzled me. For just a little less than the price of a 1/2-chicken meal, you can get a 1/4-chicken meal (either white or dark). That makes it seem like either they’re ripping people off, or the price of the side dishes accounts for most of the meal. Let’s give them the benefit of the doubt and assume that their pricing scheme makes some sense. I’m using the prices of Store #1662, which are admittedly higher than average.
1/2 Chicken Meal: Cw + Cd + 2S + Bc = $7.99
1/4 Chicken White: Cw + 2S + Bc = $7.29
1/4 Chicken Dark: Cd + 2S + Bc = $6.79
Key:
Cw = White Chicken
Cd = Dark Chicken
S = Side
Bc = Corn Bread
Solving for the chicken, we get:
Cw = $1.20
Cd = $0.70
Next time you go into a Boston Market, I suggest you ask for a half-chicken with no sides for $1.90. The deal is right there on the board, as any cashier who’s passed high school algebra can see.
Patrick McGoohan of British TV’s The Prisoner is dead at 80. He was not a number, he was a free man. (I learned that from Iron Maiden.)
Also, Ricardo Montalban has passed away at 88. He made some great prank phone calls to George Takei. Oh, wait, I don’t believe that was Ricardo Montalban. (click!)
Forgive me for being a bit behind on the news. I often read the newspaper before folding it up & putting it in my pocket so I can pick up after the dog. (Did I mention my dog thinks he’s George Bush? Every time he takes a crap, it ends up in the newspaper.)
In any case, an item on January 7th says the hip-hop retail chain Against All Odds is filing for bankruptcy. Am I the only one who finds that ironic? It’s like Going Out of Business having a strong fourth quarter.
This reminds me of how not to name things. Calling something “The New ____” gets old really quickly. At school, we had “The New VAX”. I don’t have to tell you it ain’t so new no more. (There was also a show, The New Gidget.)
Anyway, I’m fullly expecting Against All Odds to emerge from bankruptcy unscathed. And if they don’t, I’m always pulling for The Little Guy, which would be a nice name for a store that isn’t for Big & Tall.
I’m on some idiot Republican’s mailing list. Sometimes the best thing to do with these emails is to publish them. Who is running the EPA these days? Seems like the executive branch is still under Bush. So who do they blame? Liberals, of course.
Lunacy follows…
Cows, Illegal Immigrants and Corzine
A three part series.
January 8, 2008
It’s hard to keep up with the liberal lunacy going on around us these days, but I am trying.
I just want to take a moment of your time to update you on some of the more disturbing social policy proposals that are sure to outrage you as much as they outraged me. I have broken this in three parts for your reading pleasure.
PART 1 – The Cow Tax
The first is a proposal by the Environmental Protection Agency to tax cows. Yes, that’s right. The federal government wants to levy a “global warming tax” of $175 per dairy cow and $87.50 a head on beef cattle.
(Remember, these are the folks who promoted such blunders as corn based ethanol, which did not reduce carbon fuel consumption, but did triple the cost of corn muffins.)
Cows seem to generate a lot of “methane”. They belch and they are well…flatulent; apparently Dairy Cows are more flatulent than beef cattle – but that’s another story. Methane is a no-no to liberal environmental hysterics. So, in a lame-brained attempt by EPA bureaucrats to reduce the amount of methane from cows, the EPA wants to tax farmers under the Clean Air Act for each head of cattle they own.
Why?
Will taxing cows make them less flatulent? Will the tax cause someone to invent a less gaseous cow? Will this really help the environment?
No! This is an attempt to further the far left agenda to change our lifestyle not just the environment. The lefties – besides believing the world will end soon — don’t like meat eating and don’t much like farmers. So why not tax cows… then pigs…. and how about chickens? And instead of drinking milk eating steak, pork chops and chicken cutlets, we can all live on avocados and bean sprouts (and wear Birkenstock sandals – how cute).
This proposal comes right out of the Al Gore Global Warming handbook of hysteria, which demands every source of carbon dioxide be beaten into extinction – even those sources that produce our food..
The EPA cow tax fits nicely with the Gore theory that if we can make living more expensive – we can save the planet by changing people’s behavior (Liberals like to do that.) In fact, Al Gore is changing his behavior; he is having solar panels installed on his 30,000 square foot mansion near where he parks his private jet.
I don’t know about you, but I like to have a glass of milk with my Oreo cookies. I like, cheese and steak too, and I like farmers. They work hard to produce products we cannot live without. We should honor the American Farmer and not tax them to death.
Sadly, U.S. dairy farmers are having a difficult time these days. The NY Times gleefully reported recently that dairy prices are dropping and milk is in oversupply because people in Europe and Asia don’t have the money to buy dairy products.
So now comes the EPA and says lets heap a bit more misery on dairy farmers. Let’s see if we can tax them out of business, or force them to cull their herds (that means kill the cows for you liberals) so in a year or two milk and beef prices will increase for consumers because of a shortage of flatulent cows.
This is dumb and dangerous thinking. In fact, it’s not thinking; its ideology run amok. Global Warming hysteria is taking hold of our government in New Jersey and in Washington DC. We need to fight back. But, of course, our Republican leadership (did I really say that) is deathly afraid to go near Global Warming issues. They are afraid of being branded as (oh no) anti-environment by the unproductive, preachy left.
Are there any Republican leaders in New Jersey who are willing to stand up for dairy farmers and against environmental extremism? (Apparently not. The GOP leaders are huddled in the corner with the Sierra Club trying to find new ways to destroy the state’s economy)
So it goes folks…the lunatic fringe is cutting down on cow flatulence and the Republican Party leaders are just full of hot air.
Right.
This is a fun prank you can pull on most people. Tell someone that you, or your friend or significant other, is one-third {any nationality or religion}. Most people will believe you right off-the-bat, as if you said one-half or one-quarter. I did this the other night, and the woman I was talking to started talking about how she too had Polish heritage.
The problem is, you can’t be one-third anything. Since parents only come in pairs, you can only be a fraction of a power-of-two. Five-sixteenths comes close to one-third, so you can approach 1/3, but never get it exactly.
The way I envision getting free beer out of the deal is starting out by claiming that your friend says he is 1/3 Polish, but you can prove that it’s not so with only a pen & blank sheet of paper (no birth certificate or other documentation). If your mark doesn’t believe you can prove it, you can bet just about anything you’d like. After a few minutes, you should be able to convince them. Two is a prime number, so no power-of-two can be divisible by three. Make sure your mark isn’t too drunk to understand simple math.
I completely got fooled by this one, even though my brain is fully capable of doing the proof. But then, for years I thought Obi-Wan Kenobi said he heard a million oysters cry out and then they were suddenly silenced. (It was voices, not oysters.)
Have fun!
I was at Ron & Tamryn’s house last night when I was reminded of an earlier conversation with them. We were talking about punishment for the most heinous of crimes, such as rape and murder. While I’m very liberal on many subjects, when it comes to crime, the liberal description doesn’t fit me.
Some people feel that rape is worse than murder. I think murder is very final. Someone who is raped can at least rebuild a life (in many cases). However, for the sake of this post, we can make the punishment equivalent. When we’re talking about murder, we’re not talking about the guy who accidentally killed his wife with a BB gun. When we’re talking about rape, we’re not talking about statutory rape between an 18- and 16-year-old. We’re talking about clear-cut crimes against humanity. My friend Jess says there are a lot of cases where the wrong person is convicted, so we’ll deal with that at the end of this post too.
My idea is to build a giant microwave, put the criminal in, and set it to “popcorn”. To make it more interesting, we could make it a turntable microwave. Anyone who survives this punishment (impossible) would be set free.
Tamryn’s idea was to use the criminals instead of animals for laboratory testing. Cosmetics, for example, are tested on rabbits. Rabbits have no tear ducts, so putting cosmetics on their eyes is particularly cruel. Use the criminals instead. Test new drugs as well as cosmetics. We’ve solved the whole animal cruelty issue.
I don’t like the idea of people being wrongly convicted and then being sent to the microwave-chamber. In our system, people are supposedly presumed innocent. However, prosecutors and the police are both rewarded for successful prosecutions. How about an incentive to exhonerate the innocent? That might go a long way towards reducing police intimidation and prosecutor misconduct. Also, stiff penalties for the aforementioned misbehavior might work.
Until next time.
(Editor’s note: In addition to the petition, you can also call the DNC at 1-877-336-7200.)
The Washington Post reports that Barack has chosen Tim Kaine, Governor of Virginia, to succeed Gov. Howard Dean as chair of the Democratic National Committee. The official announcement is expected soon.
But at least one question still remains when it comes to the future of the DNC: When will they reinstate the 50 State Strategy?
The 50 State Strategy will go down as one of the most successful long-term programs the Democratic National Committee has ever implemented. Not just for Barack but for candidates up and down the ballot all across the country. But while there has been a lot of talk about keeping it alive, all of the original DNC 50 State Strategy organizers have been let go.
With special elections, local mayor and city council races all coming up soon, this is one decision that can’t wait any longer. Call on Tim Kaine to immediately renew the 50 State Strategy and we’ll make sure he gets the message.
The 50 State Strategy delivers proven results.
For example, only three years ago, Gov. Dean was mocked by party insiders and Washington Democrats for spending DNC resources in Alaska. This week, Alaskans watched Mark Begich swear in as their newly elected Democratic Senator.
We have a lot of work ahead to get America back on track. Our new Congress is sworn in and we’re only a few days from Barack’s historic inauguration. We risk everything we’ve gained if we return to a shallow strategy of only fighting for votes in a few swing states. We need to continue to think long-term and make sure our national party can compete for votes nationwide.
Let’s make sure Gov. Kaine continues to build a people-powered party in all 50 states. Let’s get it started right now.
SEND GOV. KAINE A MESSAGE: RENEW THE 50 STATE STRATEGY NOW
Thank you for everything you do,
-Jim
Jim Dean, Chair
Democracy for America
… Patrick Dempsey and AVON for Unscripted. I know I may be late on this one, but I see the Patrick Dempsey cover of the AVON catalog in my bathroom every morning. (On the cover, it looks like old Patrick is also thinking about going to the bathroom.) Let’s see if we can follow the “creative process” for coming up with the name. Patrick Dempsey is an actor -> Actors work from scripts -> Patrick Dempsey is a particularly bad actor who never seems to be working off a good script -> Unscripted! Somewhere, there’s an ad agency that should be out of work right about now.
I have to be honest, I have no idea what this fragrance smells like. On the AVON site there are comments like “My husband smells great!” and “Made for a HOT MAN!!! This is not a cologne you would buy for your DAD!” But then, these people are commenting on a cologne on the AVON site, so how can we trust them?
There’s a cologne sample in the AVON catalog, which my wife picked up at the local Panera Bread (did you know they actually sell bread there???), but I’ve been afraid to try it so far. After all, it could negatively affect my acting ability, and I need those skills for work. How else would I get myself out of the holes I dig for myself every day? One spritz of Unscripted and I could be out on the street. In today’s economy, that’s a risk I can’t afford to take.
So I can’t really critique the cologne. All I can say is that the name is as unimaginative as any of Patrick Demsey’s roles over the years. I mean seriously — Made of Honor? If you thought that was a good movie, you probably shouldn’t be reading this blog. (I have an excuse for seeing Made of Honor — I snuck into the theater after seeing a good movie I actually paid for.) No, I’ve never watched Grey’s Anatomy, sorry. Is he good in it? Or is he just in it?
Here’s what Patrick has to say about the fragrance that bears his name:
At the heart of Unscripted is the idea of living your life on your own terms, and not by a written script. It’s about loving what you do, and doing it in your own unique way, rather than being defined by rules.”
—PATRICK DEMPSEY Award-winning actor
Yes, rules for acting are so boooring. Why bother learning to emote when you can simply be cast in lackluster roles like Patrick here? (The award-winning they are talking about is obviously a reference to the award I bestowed upon him for the fragrance name. It’s obviously not an award he’s too proud of, or they’d actually say the name of the award. Academy Awards, for instance, seem prestigious and recognizable. Also, if he’d been knighted by the Queen of England, they might have noted that as well.) Patrick, if you haven’t done so already, having your own AVON cologne is automatic jumping the shark.
An honorable-mention award, while we’re talking about entertainment, goes to Jennifer Aniston for Most Overexposed Celebrity of 2008. She should have her own AVON fragrance with an almost-naked picture on it and they could actually call it Overexposed. I mean, I love Jennifer Aniston (and want to have her baby, even though that’d be physically impossible), but she’s everywhere I look and Friends isn’t even on the air anymore. The cover of People magazine says “The star talks about marriage, men and Marley & Me.” How about talking about divorce, swearing off men & maybe that’s why you’re holding a dog (instead of a man) in the cover shot. It’d be a lot more honest & interesting. Jen, when you are this overexposed, you really can’t blame Harry Smith of The Early Show for this disturbing interview. You’ve come a long way since hawking NutriSystem diet products on The Howard Stern Show, but maybe you could have picked up a thing or two from Howard about limiting your exposure. People get tired quickly, even the ones (like me) who think you are hot.
By the way, in “related news”, Jennifer Aniston’s on the cover of People’s Best (and Worst!) of 2008, and Patrick Dempsey was the cover-boy for 2007’s issue. Just a happy little coincidence for my first entertainment article.
